Pants 0. Shit 1.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
