dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
