Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
