We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
