Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
