Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
