you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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