Pants 0. Shit 1.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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