Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
