He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
