Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
