TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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