drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
