I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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