put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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