he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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