just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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