The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
