Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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