i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
