Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
