were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
