I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
