Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
