Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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