Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
