Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
