Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In America we eat man semen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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