I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you will always have a special place in my vag
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
