This house was built for laser tag.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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