If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
