please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
