I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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