apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
