I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
