Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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