I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
