Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
