if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
