tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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