I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
