This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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