We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
