I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
