She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
