He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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