I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
