I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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