Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
