Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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