of course. lets lasso hookers.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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